Outings and Preparations

Today I conquered two huge fears.  Leaving home with my father and going to the DMV.  I cannot begin to tell you the horror I have about the DMV.  But it wasn’t so bad.  And it’s step one towards sorting out my health insurance.  I did it.  I survived.  And then I came home and slept for several hours.

Tomorrow is the big day.  My appointment is at 2:00.  It’s an hour away.  We haven’t worked out the logistics of who will be watching the X man and who will be driving me.  We’d take him with us, but it’s during prime nap time, so who knows.

I don’t have much to update.  The nonsmoking thing is going OK.  I’ve slipped a few times, so I won’t add the counter to the end of this as not to be a hypocrite, but I am still making the effort.  I’ll bring it up with the doctor, too.

I’ll let you all know how it goes tomorrow, of course.  Wish me luck.  I really need it this time.

3 Responses

  1. Don’t worry about the cigs – you’ve got plenty on your plate.

    Good luck with the psychiatrist!

  2. Hey Annie,

    I’ve been reading your blog for a couple weeks now. I found it through a comment you left on another blog I read! I am a recovering (well..recovered…but they always say you’re recovering, never cured..whatever!) agoraphobic. I started having issues when I was 19…I just passed my 10 year anniversary. I pretty much spent the first 6-7 years engulfed in panic, and the last 3-4 years working my way out. And I did it…with out medication or regular therapy. I never found a therapist that could look past my past, and work on my present issues! I have a pretty complex childhood/upbringing…but I don’t like to dwell on it! Anyways…basically I just got sick of feeling like a freak, and I got sick of being unable to do the things I dreamed of doing (ie-traveling!). Literally one day I just said “F this Sh*t” and forced myself to DO things, no matter how hard it was. I had a list of goals I wanted to accomplish (Going back to school, shopping at the mall, going to England to meet my internet penpal) and so I kept those in mind and just kept pushing myself. It was really sure WILL that did it. That and my son, who is now 7. I was also divorcing my husband then (at the ripe ol’ age of 26) and so I needed to start fending for myself. My son needed milk…and I had to get it! And what about when he started school? Who was going to take him and pick him up? Um..me! But I couldn’t leave home…so clearly that was an issue!

    Anyways…moral of the story is…it most definitely can be done. I did everything on my goal list! I need a new one! That website I found you on…Being SarahC (England Sarah)…she was my penpal, and I flew to England to meet her in 2005. And since then, I’ve been all over, and I’m graduating from college in may. I surprised the sh*t our of myself! I still have anxiety here and there (especially during PMS!) and maybe one panic attack a year depending on how stressful life is. I think its something I’ll always have, and live with, but its definitely managed now. The CBT thought process is what worked for me. I had a CBT book that I read, and generally speaking the “feel the fear but do it anyway” mentality is CBT. You just have to keep pushing forward, no matter how bad you feel…because eventually your mind will catch on to the fact that despite the fear, you’re still alive. I still freak out when I fly, pretty much hyperventilating the whole time…but I just do it anyway because I want the end result more (seeing new places) than I want to stay home! Despite my years of being a homebody, I learned I’m not happy being a homebody!

    I see in you (well your writing) the same spirit I had in me when I decided to fight this disorder. I think you’re a great writer and I’m sure writing is helping! I look forward to reading all your successes 🙂 Please remember though…having “slip ups” or “fall backs” or whatever…is totally normally. Just don’t let it stop you from trying again 😉

    Good luck to you!


    P.S. Not saying that you shouldn’t give up smoking, but you might want to not worry about it that much right now. You’ve got enough to get through. Its a habit you can break later.

  3. Wishing you luck with your appointment!


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