The Hypochondriac Agoraphobic

I’ve spent the majority of my day in bed, having strange dreams about diamonds and email and other random things. I woke up feeling hazy and weepy. I thought I was just having some kind of estrogen surge of some sort until I wound up later on the floor of the restroom. I’ll leave the graphic details out, but I was indeed hating life right then. After my stomach was done kicking me while down, it let me have a rest. A three hour rest, at that. Thankfully, I’d gotten most my chore duties done early in the morning when I was just hazy.

X’s Nana (my mother) was ready to swoop in and care for him while his Mommy rested. I won’t think too hard about it, because if I did I might wonder if she took some joy out of her gain from my misery.

I think the point here is that there is nothing wrong with me. Yes, I felt ill. Yes, my head pounded (probably from the bit of self-medicating I did last night – save your lectures, I’ll just ignore them). But I think the truth is that today is Monday, and that means it’s now the same week as Thursday, which is when I go bare my soul to some jackass with a medical degree. And this scares me to death.

No, not because I have to tell my story and admit my faults to the possible jackass. Not even because there’s a real possibility that this doctor is indeed a jackass. But because I feel like this is it. This is my last chance to get it right. If I fall down again now, I’ll never get up. What if the jackass in question can’t help me? What if this is as good as I get?

That’s enough to make anyone ill with a pounding head.

3 Responses

  1. The nice thing about life is you get to try until you get it right. There is hardly ever a last time…

    Try this when you wake up Thursday:

    Today I want to experience what life is like _______. You have to fill in the blank.

    Don’t fight with it after you said, just let it float away and start experiencing what life is like _____.

  2. You are so wrong about this ‘last chance’ belief!!

    It’s obviously important that your therapist is good at his job – but the relationship between him and you is equally important. I’m pretty sure that things will be ok on Thursday, but if they aren’t…you just look for another therapist. It’s that simple!

    So, as much as you can, relax. Thursday’s important, but not THAT important!

  3. A new documentary type show for a major cable network that emphasized Entertainment, the Arts and Education is looking for people in S. California with OCD, anxiety, hoarding or extreme fears. We are doing a show in conjuncture with a well-established, world-famous OCD Center here in Los Angeles.

    By offering these people free cognitive behavioral therapy (for 12 weeks and then follow up treatment) we hope to help them, and hopefully help others that will be watching our show.

    Please have contact us at therapycasting@tijuanaent.com.

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