Day 6 – Agoraphobia In Action

Today could still go either way, but I remain hopeful and optimistic.  Sort of.

I mentioned yesterday that I really prefer to wake up about an hour before the rest of my family so that I can ease into my day instead of getting thrown into the buzz saw.  That way I’m able to quickly do my hair and face, get dressed, empty the dishwasher, start a load of wash, and make lunches – all in peace and without distraction.  When I don’t do this, it puts a general damper on the rest of my day.  It’s recoverable, but takes some effort.  I also mentioned that I’ve started sleeping more and more, making waking up before everyone increasingly more difficult.  Even last night, I moved my bedtime yet another hour earlier and still slept until the same time.  My son seems to be picking up on this, too.  He slept in again for the third day in a row.  And again, all of these things combined render me sans car for another day.  It also doesn’t help that emptying the dishwasher and thinking about dropping off my fiance at work induced a good old fashioned early morning panic flip out.  It was easy enough to curb, though, because all I had to do to stop the panic attack was to tell myself I didn’t have to drop him off.   And my peaceful emptying of the dishwasher ritual could commence.

The weather is supposed to get much colder and windier.  It doesn’t look great for playing outside in the next few days with my son.  I’ll have to come up with more creative ideas that don’t require playing outside or using my car.  While I’m at it, I’ll invent magic beans.

Alli might be coming over for a little while this morning.  She’ll be leaving for Austin at 1:00 this afternoon.  She has a new girlfriend who lives there.  I’m not too excited about this new girlfriend.  I almost even feel jealous.  Not because I have a thing for Alli, though in a different universe I bet I might.  It’s more that this new girl comes in and steals all of the time that Alli and I used to hang out with.  I went from seeing her three or so times a week to maybe seeing her once every two weeks.  My friendship with her is what kept me fairly well anchored in the world outside of my home.  So that’s what I’m jealous of and want back.

So begins Tuesday, Day 6 of documented agoraphobia.

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