An Evening To Myself

B is working late today and X went to sleep early. I so rarely have an evening all alone that I feel a little uncomfortable with it. Not to suggest I’m not enjoying it, but that it’s lost the familiarity it once had. There is something to be said for not considering anyone else’s needs or wants while holding the television remote.

As I predicted this afternoon, I never managed to gather the motivation or effort to get out today. The thick fog only increased, the temperature only decreased, and my lack of car didn’t help things in the rationalization process for staying in. I guess the difference between today and every other day I don’t leave the house is that I’m aware of what’s going on now and I am not going to beat myself up for not doing it. I’m just going to try harder tomorrow. If I use all my energy in telling myself how much I suck and how lazy I am, I don’t have any left for doing better tomorrow. At least that’s the current plausible theory I have. Why not test it out, just once? If it doesn’t work, I can go back to sleepless nights of reliving shame and guilt.

Taking one night off won’t kill me.

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