Agoraphobia Day 5 – Monday

I usually like to wake up about an hour before the rest of my family gets up.  Since I started writing this blog, though, I’ve been needing more and more sleep.  Not suggesting the two are related, that’s just how long it’s been going on.  I continue going to bed earlier and earlier, but keep wanting to sleep later and later.  My son has started sleeping later, too, which I think I would appreciate if I weren’t so rigid in my routines.  Only having one car, it’s important that my son and I are up, dressed, and ready to take B to work by 8:00am if I want to have the car that day.  Well, to be more accurate, I don’t ever really want the car.  What I want, is to overcome this anxiety garbage and come and go like a normal person.  Logic tells me a car is required to accomplish this.

Today, however, I chose to sleep in with my son instead of take the car.  I’m finding decisions made within ten seconds of waking up are usually ones I come to regret shortly after.  The weather here today is terrible.  I went out on my balcony a few minutes before I wrote this to see the entire city covered in fog and drizzle.  It doesn’t look like the Texas I’ve come to know and love.  Chances are, even if I had the car today, I would refuse to drive because of the weather.  And I’d be stuck in the role of dropping off and picking up my fiance in weather I’m afraid to drive in.  I’ve had those days and they usually don’t go well.

Instead of beating myself up for a lazy start to my Monday, I think I’ll go ahead and wrap this post up.  It’s time to get out of my pajamas and put myself to work around the house.  There’s always something to clean when you have an almost two year old, right?

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