Sunday Morning – Day 4

Today seems better than yesterday so far.  It’s just barely noon, but I’m hoping the upswing has picked up some momentum to last the rest of the day.  Alli just text messaged me and wants me to go to the bar with her this afternoon and I said yes.  Even if I were feeling highly anxious, I think the idea of staying in my house for another full day with my fiance and son could drive me over the edge.

As far as the bar goes, I’ve made myself go enough times that it’s mostly made it onto my “comfortable” list.  It’s just one bar that I go to and I have to be in a certain section.  I can only go in the afternoon and only on Sundays because that’s when our friend works as the bartender.  It’s a bit of a hole in the wall.  Every time I walk in people across the place scream “ANNIE!” like I’m Norm on Cheers.  What I need to learn to do is leave when I feel the anxiety come on, instead of stay because people will think I’m rude.

The even stranger part about my ability to be comfortable going to this place is that it’s kind of far away, across the street from Alli’s.  It’s about 8 miles one trip, which would normally be enough to make me never go.  But I’m so familiar with the roads to get there, and it’s a pretty straight shot.  The last time I went, though, the 2nd road I have to take was shut down for construction causing a bit of panic.  It was somewhat quickly recovered though, because my GPS was helpful for once.  There are, however, few things I despise more than that residual feeling you get of “almost” having a panic attack.

I don’t know if I consider this progress, since I have been able to go to this bar before.  Maybe progress would be sitting in a different place once I get there, but I make no promises.  The important part is that I’m leaving my house and having a pleasurable association with doing so.  At least I think that’s the important part.

Baby steps.  I didn’t get this anxious overnight and I’m not going to be free from it overnight either.

2 Responses

  1. The only way to counter anxieties is to face them head on. I think you are making progress towards overcoming them. 🙂

  2. Thanks! That was really nice of you to say and it meant a lot to me.

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