An Agorariffic Outing – Day 2

I gave you a few entries of introduction yesterday, so I’m going to just jump into today without too much back story. After spending the last day and a half reflecting on the very likely possibility that I have a textbook case of agoraphobia, I decided the time to start trying to fix things is now. Otherwise I could spend the next few years researching and just thinking about getting a handle on this until I lose interest and forget about it all together.

This morning I drove my fiance to work. I’d had a panic issue about the thought of it last night before going to bed. I tried to reason with myself, which just doesn’t work. Obviously if I were well rooted in logic, I wouldn’t have this problem to begin with. Surprisingly I didn’t flip out too much before leaving. It was more of an uncomfortable feeling that just wouldn’t go away, like running into an ex while you’re wearing stained sweats and no makeup and you want to sink into the ground and never come back. I managed to get B to work and even stopped at a convenience store for a soda.

After that I went over to my best friend Alli’s house. I don’t seem to mind being there whenever I go. Once my son starts to get cranky there though, it loses it’s peaceful feeling. I’ve spent a fair amount of time there. It’s one of the places on my list of places that aren’t so bad if I have to be away from home. Usually I go there on the weekend when B can watch our son. I’ve even stayed the night on her sofa a few times, which was surprising. Being a mom 24/7 requires that I take occasional breaks away from home. When my patience goes out the window, I can usually talk myself into leaving the house for a longer period of time.

My son and I spent a few hours there. X likes to play with Alli’s kitties, her pet rat, and he likes to climb her staircase. Alli and I hung out and had lunch, and we watched most of Blades of Glory. X started getting pretty cranky towards the end. I probably kept him out about 30 minutes too long. But when we got back home, he went to sleep very quickly.

And before you start giving me the atta girl line, I do have to admit that just when I thought the outing would end without major incident, I missed a turn on my way home and wound up in a construction zone nightmare. I ended up getting lost, which as you know is a recipe for flipping out. I was even arguing with my GPS, which isn’t what sane folk do I’d imagine. I 100% refuse to ever act strangely in front of my son, so I was able to hold it in until I got home. Once I had him down for a nap, I was able to do my flipping out and streaming tears.

So I know it’s not a cure, but it’s better than yesterday. I think that has to be the extent of my goal setting – do better today than I did yesterday. Even that might be putting too much pressure on myself, so how about not doing worse than yesterday, instead? I’ll figure out the catchy goal setting motto later.

I took a baby step today. Weekends are strange around here, so we’ll see if I actually make some progress between now and Monday or not.

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